Giving yourself grace

Hello friends.  I hope you are all doing well.  

(If this reads as a bit scattered, I apologize.  I’m ashamed to confess that this past week I’ve been inconsistently taking one of my medications.  As a result, I’m having difficulty focusing.  It’s a bit like being in a fog.  It’s not easy to admit this, but I want to make sure I’m being open, honest, and transparent when I can be.  To anyone who reads this and to myself.)

I did a fair amount of research before starting my blog and frequently came across suggestions of having a good stash of content, ready to go.  It’s a great concept but if I had, I don’t think I’d have ever launched my site.  I tend to prepare, futz, worry, and try to get something “perfect” before I do it, and then ultimately miss my opportunity. I’m also afraid that if it sits too long it will no longer feel relevant.  I get excited about what I’m writing and want to get it out there!  As a result, I took the leap and wasn’t prepared for the inevitable day I’d miss a deadline.

This past week my husband and I were sick, which is why I didn’t post on Tuesday.  Luckily we both tested negative for Covid, but whatever it was knocked us on our asses.  I know I “should” have backup pieces ready to post in advance, particularly for situations like this, but I don’t.  

My first reaction when I realized I wouldn’t be publishing anything was guilt, which is unfortunately pretty routine.  Ordinarily, I would let it overwhelm me but I’ve been working on feeling the emotion and letting it go.  Giving myself grace, as it were.  Believe me, it’s not as easy as it sounds.  My inner monologue alternates between criticizing and detached most days. So I had to take a step back and reexamine my reaction and the consequences of not posting.  Who would I be disappointing? Just myself.  

I don’t want it to become a habit.  I set the deadline for a reason. But, in the long run, it’s OKAY. 

You have to give yourself grace and forgiveness if not all goes to plan.  Your health is important.  You are important.  Take a deep breath and pick back up when you’re able.  It’s okay to not be okay, whether it’s a physical ailment or your mental health.  And, you are allowed to feel what you feel.  The key is not to let it consume you if you can. If it does, just remember you are not alone and that tomorrow is another day.

So while I don’t feel I’m giving you my best this week I am at least proud of myself for producing something.  I’m doing my best each day and that’s all I can ask for. 

Until next time, go easy on yourself. 🌹

P.S. When I asked my sister to proofread this for me she said “They say courage is grace under pressure.”  I looked it up because I’m that kind of nerd and discovered that it’s a quote from Ernest Hemingway.  He said it in a 1929 interview with Dorothy Parker for the New Yorker and, according to The JFK Library Archives,  Kennedy liked it so much, he used it in his book.  Neat!

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